Floodgates

It wasn’t even my carpet. I was at work when my "What if" happened, an hour away from my doctor and the safety of the hospital walls that I knew would take care of me. My husband was working in Alaska, which at the time might as well have been a million miles away. My son was at school and life was just going on for him as if nothing out of the ordinary had happened. But it was. I was only 31-weeks pregnant and hemorrhaging ruby red blood on a client’s carpet. The floodgates opened and I started going into shock.

I was incredibly lucky. I work in the health care industry and the people around me all knew what to do. They remained composed and collected. There were a lot of circumstances that day that could have gone very wrong, but the location where this occurred, was very right. I was with an RN whom I trusted and she was well aware of my pregnancy precautions. My angel, she remained calm and skilled at emergency situations. I clearly remember the look in her brown eyes as I asked over and over again if we were going to be ok. Her eyes were direct and intense but also comforting. Comfort was what I needed as it turned out, the roller coaster was just leaving the gate.

Ruby Red

Have you ever felt as if you were in an action movie where the bad guys are coming fast and feverishly toward you, the good guy? You're fighting them off but it's all in slow motion. That's what I felt like when my "What if" came true.

Blood. Lots and lots of red blood gushing as if my water had broken. Anytime you see blood, especially when you're pregnant, it’s usually not a sign that things are going well. I knew this bleeding was not good for my daughter and as I recall in my slow motion moment, I watched as my greatest fears came true in front of me.

Shock, terror, and time were standing still. Literally. I clearly remember a moment of lucidness as I observed the ruby red color of the blood and thought to myself, “This can’t be good,” From there, my mind observed that I should move off the carpet and onto the linoleum floor so it would be easier to clean up the blood. These thought patterns felt as if they took forever, but I believe it was only a few seconds. Looking back at that moment, those thoughts seemed to be the one thing I could control as my life was spinning out of control. I laugh at it now but at the time it seemed logical to worry about the carpet even as someone dialed 911.