Time

My bleeding had stopped and my daughter was still cozily tucked in the safety of my womb. I was prepped for a C-section just in case we needed to roll. I was relieved to learn my husband was on his way, my father headed to St. Pete’s to be by my side and my mother headed towards my home to care for our son. My angels from work were still with me. Good. There was a definite sense of control. The initial winds of the hurricane had settled down. We were out of immediate danger and my goal was to figure out what to do next.

Lying down automatically stopped the bleeding but the doctors were not sure if the bleeding ceased because I was in a bed or the bleeding had truly run its course. In truth, I was not too keen on finding out the answer. To put it mildly, I was terrified. I thought since the bleeding had stopped, I had some time. What was I thinking? I started having contractions and they were a few minutes apart.

Time is something we either want to linger longer with or hurry and move through. I needed time, we needed time. My husband wasn't there, my father was still in route, my best friend and her husband were on their way but I wanted them by my side to hold my hand, wipe my tears, make me laugh and help me cope with the decisions we faced. My body was determining the time of what would happen and when. I remember staring at the clock on the wall in front of my hospital bed watching the hands move so slowly. Each minute seemed so long to me because it came with uncertainty for our future. Would the contractions stop? Would we be airlifted to Seattle? How long would my daughter survive based on the wild ride we had been on the past few hours? Would my husband make it in time? Would time be my friend or enemy?

Change of Plans

There was a powerful adrenaline rush during the 24-hours leading up to Katie's birth. In fact, it was almost exactly 24 hours from the time I started hemorrhaging to when I heard the words, "She's not breathing." I said a lot of things went right in a situation that was wrong. The day before she was born, I was getting ready to leave work and thought to myself, “I should use the bathroom before I get on the freeway.” A small thing, but a very good thing when I started to bleed, I wasn't sitting in traffic. Time is of the essence when you start hemorrhaging. I was standing in the assisted living community where I worked surrounded by people who knew what to do in an emergency. And, I was right across the street from a hospital. Not the hospital where I planned to deliver, but was all the same a hospital with skilled professionals who could at stabilize us.

I was so scared but comforted by the many amazing people who suddenly showed up to help me. I am the one who is used to being in control and now I needed to rely on others. My husband was called and was frantically trying to get on a flight from Alaska to get home to us. Word had gotten out and people were praying for us. I did not completely comprehend the situation (a coping mechanism I am sure) and had no clue of what this meant for my baby and me. I assumed it meant I was going to be on bed rest for the rest of my pregnancy. Little did I realize, Katie had different plans.